Question
My dad has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. He’s forgetting things, and when he forgets things, he sometimes gets mad at my mom. My mom is worried about him, takes good care of him, but also gets frustrated when he gets annoyed because he blames her.
Sometimes they have quarrels over small things. For example, my dad starts looking for the cat, he cannot find her, and then my mom gets annoyed because she says he is always looking for her every day, from morning till night. He says, “What am I doing wrong?” and the tension builds.
As a son or grandson, how can we support them best?
What can we do, and what would Jesus do?
Direct Answer
Jesus would first see your father not as “difficult,” but as someone suffering. Alzheimer’s is not just forgetfulness. It changes how a person understands reality. So when your father searches for the cat or feels confused, to him, it is real. His frustration is not rebellion. It is fear and disorientation.
Jesus would also see your mother’s exhaustion. Caring for someone like this is deeply draining, and her frustration is human. She needs support too.
As a son, your role is not to fix everything, but to bring peace into the tension:
- Be a calming presence when conflict rises.
- Gently redirect instead of correcting your father.
- Support your mother emotionally, not just practically.
- Protect both of them from unnecessary stress.
Sometimes love looks like stepping in softly and saying, “It’s okay, Dad, let’s look together,” instead of letting frustration grow.
Biblical Reference
Jesus showed deep compassion for people who were struggling mentally, emotionally, and physically.
“But when he saw the multitudes, he was moved with compassion on them, because they fainted, and were scattered abroad, as sheep having no shepherd.”
Matthew 9:36, KJV
Jesus saw confusion and distress, and responded with compassion, not correction.
He also taught patience and gentleness in relationships:
“And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.”
Luke 6:31, KJV
And about caring within family:
“When Jesus therefore saw his mother, and the disciple standing by, whom he loved, he saith unto his mother, Woman, behold thy son!”
John 19:26, KJV
Even in His suffering, Jesus made sure His mother was cared for, showing the importance of supporting family in vulnerable moments.
Present-Day Translation
If Jesus were in your place today, He would likely do something like this.
With your father, He would not argue with his confusion. He would enter his world gently:
- “Let’s go find the cat together.”
- Offer reassurance instead of logic.
- Help him feel safe before trying to explain.
With your mother, He would comfort her and lighten her burden:
- Listen to her frustrations without judgment.
- Encourage her to rest.
- Remind her that she does not have to carry everything alone.
In moments of conflict, He would act as a quiet peacemaker:
- Speak softly.
- Slow the room down.
- Change the atmosphere rather than win the moment.
For yourself, Jesus would remind you that this is a season of sacrificial love. Not easy, but deeply meaningful.
You might take small practical steps:
- Create simple routines that reduce confusion for your dad.
- Help your mom take breaks.
- Use humor and gentleness to defuse tension.
- Step in before small frustrations become painful exchanges.
This situation is not about who is right or wrong. It is about love adapting to weakness.